


Behind Green Eyes

by RantyFanGirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Timelines, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:28:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27606296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RantyFanGirl/pseuds/RantyFanGirl
Summary: After weeks of will they or won't they, Castiel and Dean realize they're going to have to face the realties of their relationship.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We all deserve a little angst and fluff right now. I've added a second scene. Not sure where the plot is taking me yet, but we'll figure it out together!

There was no foliage on earth that perfectly matched the green in Dean Winchester’s eyes. Castiel should know, he’d seen every plant that ever was and understood what evolution would lead to every plant that could be. None of them were as striking as Dean’s eyes. 

Castiel was in the park, sitting on a bench and contemplating the generically designed flower bed before him. He was just off of a path, but it had been several minutes since anyone had passed. He’d originally come to contemplate the complicated entity that was his relationship with Dean, but all the green made him think of the hunter’s eyes, and now here he was. Cas was mentally scrolling through every plant ever to exist and comparing it to Dean’s eyes. 

It was not the first time that Cas had thought he was a lost cause when it came to Dean. He was hopelessly in love with a grumpy, awkward, mortal who avoided Cas more often than he spent time with him. 

It was funny, in a tragic sort of way, when Cas really examined it. Here he was, an angel of the Lord, turning his back on heaven time and time again to save one man. It took him years to understand why, to recognize the feelings he had for Dean for what they really were. When he had connected all the dots and realized he was in love, Castiel did the one thing he now realizes he never should have done. He’d told Dean everything. 

Looking back now, he could see that Dean wasn’t read. Castiel now understood that for someone as beautifully complicated as Dean was, simple emotions would not be simple to him. Pure love wasn’t simple to Dean, it was complicated, convoluted, mixed up in fear, trauma, and repression. In hindsight, Cas realized that he also forgot to factor in Dean’s entrenched ideas of genders, sexuality, and that any relationship he had was doomed to end in physical and emotional pain. 

Could Castiel have chosen a female vessel from the start, he would have. As it was, Castiel’s vessel was no longer anything other than himself, and he was happy with the fact that this would be his physical appearance so long as he was tied to earth. He had no desire to leave when this was where Dean was. 

Perhaps he might have revealed it little by little, perhaps Castiel could have studied humans and learned how to be subtle. It had been months since that confession had derailed their lives, and sent them on this new path.

It was too late to rescind the confession, had Castiel wanted to. As it could not be changed, he tried not to dwell on that particular moral conundrum. Castiel was as he was, and Dean had to accept that or not. Most days he was0 not, but on the days he did, oh those days were Castiel’s most cherished memories. To be held, to hold, to feel the physical and emotional connection that he had with Dean, it made these days of longing and absence easier to bear. 

Castiel had known war, he’d known times of peace, he’d been present and nearly every biblical battle, and he could say with honest conviction that nothing had ever given him the sense of contentment, of perfect symmetry and bliss, as Dean had last night. He’d never felt anything like that. 

~*~

It was in the early morning hours shortly before dawn broke when Dean had finally relaxed into a peaceful slumber. They were in each other’s arms, spent after a blissful night of lovemaking. Though they had started in a more position that Dean would describe as more manly for him, within the last hour or so, Dean had rolled over and wiggled his back against Castiel’s chest. Unable to resist, Cas wrapped Dean up in his arms, holding him in his protective embrace while he pressed soft kisses to the hunter’s shoulder and neck. Dean had relaxed at that, and though he was asleep, he could feel the peace radiating from him. Dean, who never dealt with his emotions. Dean, who generally exuded mistrust, and fear for his loved ones even when he slept. Dean, who did everything for everyone and very rarely thought of himself, was simply... happy. There were no words attached to the feeling, though it was almost like a prayer. He could feel it from Dean, and he vowed to himself there and then that he’d do whatever he could to bring Dean more moments like this. Castiel was not a vain being, but he knew that the change in Dean was as a result of himself, or at least the combination of himself with Dean. He would have to fight against Dean, but Castiel was strong and he knew that ultimately Dean would be happy. He’d known Dean for years. Dean had never slept like this before, not once. He would help Dean battle his own inner demons.

Certain that Dean was fast asleep, Cas pressed a kiss to the shell of Dean’s ear and murmured quietly, “I love you, Dean Winchester. I love your beautiful body as much as your beautiful heart and soul.” 

There was no reply, other than a soft sigh that turned into a quiet snore. He had not expected one. If Cas thought it was possible for Dean to consciously hear him, he’d have stayed silent all night. The words Castiel spoke were solely for his own gratification. Had his beloved hunter heard Castiel, he’d be halfway out the door, with his pants on backwards. As it was, Dean slept peacefully, with the ghost of a smile on his lips, and Castiel was content to hold him as long as he could, simply reveling in the feeling of belonging and home that he got from Dean. 

The memory faded, as Castiel willfully blocked out the next scene, and Castiel was again pondering a generic flower bed. The memory surfaced without his consent, and Castiel was forced to recognize the reality that ruined his moment of bliss. This morning, Dean had woke up late, blamed Cas for it, then threw on clothes and ran out of the room before Castiel had time to consider getting dressed. When Castiel arrived at the breakfast table, Sam was on his way out the door, and Dean had already gone out to the car. They were getting an early start on a hunt, Sam said. He’d told Castiel to relax and enjoy the break. 

No goodbye, no good morning, no... nothing. 

Were Cas aware that Dean had to be up early, he certainly would have woken him at an appropriate time. He was as startled as Dean was this morning when Sam banged his fist on the door and yelled through it for Dean to wake up because they were going to be late. 

So here Castiel sat hours later, confused and missing Dean. He thought a walk would clear his head of Dean, but of course it had the opposite effect. 

He sat on that bench until well into the night, staring at the flowers, barely blinking and unaware of his surroundings. As he sat he contemplated a set of green eyes, looking at him in panic and terror with none of the softness of the night before, and Castiel wondered what that meant for his future.

It occurred to him that the least he could do was apologize for his part in making Dean rush this morning, so he sent a text without realizing how late it was.

“I’m sorry I made you late and upset you 💞”


	2. Chapter 2

“You’re sorry you made me late?!” Dean threw his hands up in frustration, yelling at the empty kitchen. “He’s sorry he made me late and upset me. Well that’s just great!” Dean’s palm smacked the counter in frustration. “What the hell, Cas?!” 

Sam rushed into the room, his worry for both his brother and Castiel was plain to see on his face. “Did you hear from Cas? Is he okay?” 

“I’m gonna kill him.” Dean said to his brother by way of explanation, and grabbed the keys to the Impala. 

“Dean! Where are we going? Is Cas okay?” 

“We aren’t going anywhere. You’re going to go back to Eileen’s and I’m going to go pick up that moronic angel.” 

“No really Dean, It’s late and I’m already here. I’m not leaving tonight.” 

Was Dean imagining things or did Sammy’s words sound like a warning? He was definitely imagining things. Sammy didn’t know. Sammy couldn’t know. He wouldn’t know, because there was nothing to know. 

He hadn’t returned Castiel’s text, but Cas hadn’t returned any of the dozen calls Dean had made to him, or any of his stupid ass prayers. Dean stalked out to the garage, carefully backed Baby out, and tore ass onto the road. He didn’t know where Cas was, and he didn’t have to find him. All Dean had to do was keep it together long enough to get away from his brother before he lost his mind. Cas was listening now, so Dean was very careful to keep his thoughts from avoiding any form of a prayer or a curse. Nothing to summon Cas until he far enough away that no one would hear him scream at Cas for being so... stupid. He wasn’t worried, he was pissed. He was happy to pretend that he wasn’t worried to begin with. 

Last night had been different. It was great, and it was freaking terrifying. He didn’t have any time to process anything. Sammy wanted to get an early start because Dean didn’t want to spend the night on the road; Sam never asked why so he never gave him a reason. It worked out in Dean’s favor, because it turned out that Sammy had a date. 

Dean had told Cas to wake him up early, didn’t he? He couldn’t remember now, but he thought he had. That didn’t matter. What mattered is that Dean saw that look on Cas’ face all day. Every time the hunter closed his eyes, Castiel’s blue eyes widened in hurt as Dean all but ran from the room. He heard Sam’s voice in his head as they left that morning. 

“Is everything okay with Cas? He looks like someone ran over his dog. Did you talk to him today?” 

Dean blanched then cleared his throat while he tried to think of something to say. 

“Well uh... yeah, no. I was asleep.” 

Sam was looking at him weird now, so Dean reached for anything else to say. “You woke me up, and I ran out the door. I didn’t stop and see what hurt Cas’ feelings.” He didn’t have to. He knew it was him, and he hated it. There wasn’t much he could do about it though, they had a monster to kill.

Dean pulled himself out of the memory and pulled over on an abandoned stretch of road. He was about twenty minutes outside of town. 

“Dammit!!” He wasn’t yelling at anyone or anything, other than poor Baby who did not deserve his ire, but Dean was frustrated. Sam had a date with Eileen, so Dean was happy to rush home. Except... Cas wasn’t there. He sent Sam off on his way, the he worried, called, eventually prayed, called some more, threatened via prayer, begged, and searched every inch of the bunker. Eventually Dean got so panicked that he called Sam and ended his sleepover early. He was trying very hard not to reflect on why he freaked out. 

Sam was home now, it was nearly two in the morning, and Cas sends an ‘I’m sorry I made you late’ text with heart emojis?? He had to talk to Cas about that. What if Sam saw? He’s a dude. Dude’s don’t send heart emojis to other dudes. He pulled out his phone, and read the text again, his lip curling into the ghost of a smile. 

No. 

He had to focus on reading Cas the riot act. 

He stepped out of the Impala, calmly walked to the front of the car, and leaned against the hood. 

“Cas, you better hear this freaking prayer. If you’re not here in ten seconds, I am going to kick your feathery ass into-” 

“Hello, Dean.” 

Even though he’d summoned Cas, Dean still jumped when he found Castiel standing right next to him. 

“One of these times you’re going to give me a heart attack,” Dean said in a bad attempt at a joke to cover his still-racing heart. It was because of being startled, that was all. His eyes narrowed and he looked Cas up and down clinically. “Not a scratch on you. Of course there isn’t.” He started to pace, pulling at his hair. “Where the hell have you been? What were you doing?” ‘Who were you with’ almost came out of his mouth, but Dean knew better. 

“Your diet will give you a heart attack long before my me frightening you possibly could.” Castiel’s reply was instantaneous. He tilted is head, studying Dean. 

Dean was uncomfortable under the angel’s knowing gaze. Cas’ blue eyes were intense. It felt like he could see through Dean, through all the walls and layers of protection he had, and that was exactly why Cas had to stay at a distance. Except now, when Dean needed the reassurance that accompanied the discomfort. 

“I was in a park in Tennessee, pondering foliage.” 

“You were what? Where?” That surprised Dean and his eyes widened in surprise. It was enough to make the momentary panic pass. “You know what. I don’t want to know. Are you okay? It’s two in the morning, Cas. We got home and you- and I didn’t- Why the hell didn’t you answer your phone!?” Anger was easier for Dean, and he held onto that. He could be mad at Cas for making him worry, without emphasizing the part where he admitted he was worried. “I thought something happened to you, man!” Emphasis on the man. Buddy. Friend. Maybe not platonic, but not... not platonic. Or something. Dean was losing his train of thought now. 

Castiel’s face melted from confusion to understanding and affection. “You were worried for me.” 

Of course he’d cut right to exactly what Dean meant and didn’t want to say, then go ahead and say it.

Reaching out, Cas crossed the small distance between them and took Dean’s hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I thought you’d be on a long trip because you left so early. I didn’t understand what happened this morning, so I went to a park. I spent all day trying to find a plant that matches your eyes exactly, and there isn’t one. I think it’s because the color shifts. It’s something I’ve never seen on a human before. Your eyes are the same color, but they’re somehow... effervescent. No, that’s not the word. They change with your emotions, and it’s incomparable to any vegetation that’s ever existed.” 

After a brief silence, which Dean spent trying to figure out if he should punch Cas or kiss him he said, “That’s a really weird thing to say, Cas.” 

“It was a genuine and unique compliment. I truly spent most of the day and night thinking of them.”

That was even weirder, but Cas seemed like he was going to get his feelings hurt if he said something, so Dean dropped his hand and stepped closer. Cupping Cas’ face between his hands, Dean leaned town to press his forehead to the angel’s, and sighed heavily. His eyes were closed, which made it a little easier to get through what he needed Cas to hear. 

“I thought that something happened to you, or that you left, and I don’t know which one made me feel worse.” 

He really, really, really wanted to kiss Cas, so instead, he pulled him into his arms. One hand cradled the angel’s head to his chest and the other wrapped around his back. Dean felt Cas freeze in his arms for a second before he relaxed and wrapped his arms around Dean. He could feel the stubble on the angel’s cheek against his collar bone, and he smiled a little despite himself. He exhaled heavily, losing just a tiny bit of the tension in him now that Cas was here and he was safe. He knew he had a lot of things to address, and apologies to make, but he couldn’t. There was no way, not tonight.

Pulling back from Cas, Dean met his gaze with a stern expression. “You know I made Sammy come home from his date because of you. He didn’t get to have a sleepover with Eileen because I thought you were abducted by- by something.” 

Dean was scowling hard at Cas now, and the angel took a half step back. Dean kept him in reach and his hand slid from Castiel’s neck to his shoulder. He squeezed, and then shook Cas once. Hard. “We could have had naked Sunday! Do you know how long it’s been since I had a day without Sam so I could do that?” 

That was apparently as much berating as Cas was willing to take, because he pushed back from Dean, doing a fine job of glowering himself. “You woke up,-” Cas lifted his hands to make air quotations for the next three words. “-chewed me out, then ran out the door. How was I supposed to know when you were coming back? All your affection last night turned into terror this morning, and I didn’t hear a word from you. So I found a park, I stared at flowers, and I brooded for-” Cas stopped and pulled out his phone so he could check the time. “Fourteen hours.” 

Well, what Dean lacked in conversation and emotions, Cas was making up for and then some. His words made Dean feel like a complete ass, and chest restricted in a way that had nothing to do with physical pain. 

“Cas, I-” The hunter was really hoping the right words, or any word at all, would follow that but they didn’t. He took a breath and tried again. “I’m sorry. I screwed this up.” He couldn’t defend himself, he couldn’t explain, and he couldn’t say what Cas wanted to hear, but he could apologize. “It’s not fair, and I’m sorry.” 

“I’m also sorry. I didn’t intend to worry you.” Castiel stepped closer and this time Dean had no problem pulling him for a kiss. His lips brushed against the angel’s lightly. He planned on it being a chaste kiss, but Cas pretty much wound himself around Dean and leaned back, which pulled the hunter down with him. Dean did not resist him. His hand splayed out across Castiel’s lower back to keep him propped up and he let Cas take the lead.

Castiel deepened the kiss, clinging onto Dean. His tongue swept out across the hunter’s lips and Dean opened, wanting to taste Cas. The world faded away for that moment, and they were two people... beings... something, together. In lo- Making out. It was hot. 

It was kind of cute, the way they stood there: Dean holding Cas in a dip, and making out like crazy. They were in the woods in the middle of the night, standing in the headlights of the Impala, and Dean didn’t think to panic for the moment. He broke the kiss first. Unlike Cas, he needed things like oxygen to survive. When his eyes opened, he smiled down at Cas, his eyes crinkling. “Hey.”

“Wow.” It was the only response Castiel seemed able to muster, and Dean took pride in that. 

“C’mon, Cas. Let’s go home. I think we can safely say today sucked for both of us.”

“You’re certainly right about that.” Cas agreed with Dean completely. 

Dean’s arm dropped from Cas and he cleared his throat. “So, uhh...” He pointed at the car, stupidly then got in. Real smooth, Dean. He tapped the steering wheel nervously until Cas was settled next to him. Once he got on the road, the silence was awkward again. This is the part Dean hated. He didn’t know what to do or what to say. He needed boundaries. He was terrified to let Cas in. Even worse, Dean was selfish. He was selfish enough to take every word Cas offered, selfish enough to enjoy the way it felt to fall asleep in his arms, and far too selfish to tell the angel that he felt safe and hopeful sleeping next to him. To tell Cas something like that was to give him the power to hurt Dean. Not just hurt, destroy him. Even if Cas didn’t do it, someone would come along and rip him away. And what about Sam? What about their extended family? How would his dad react if he were here to see Dean now? What would Bobby say? Dean immediately dismissed that thought. He’d stare at Dean as if he’d lost his mind, crack a joke, and move on. A hundred other what ifs and a thousand fears were constantly running through Dean’s head, keeping him emotionally distanced from Cas. 

He had no idea how this would work. In the long run Dean knew it wouldn’t, but for now he wanted to keep this to themselves. If no one knew, nothing could happen. Nothing would change, nothing would be weird, and most importantly, Cas wouldn’t be a target for his enemies. This way was much better. If Dean continued telling himself that, maybe he’d actually believe it. 

“I know you don’t sleep, but I’m running on fumes. Would you mind if we just uhh... went straight to bed? I need to knock out for a few hours.” 

It was a risk with Sam home, even though he’d be fast asleep. They didn’t have anything going on the following day, and Dean was hoping Sammy would wake up early and do... something. Anything.. Go for a twenty mile run, or go back to Eileen’s where Dean had dragged him from. What if he didn’t though? Sam was up early. He wouldn’t check on Dean, but he might peek in on Cas since he never slept. If he wasn’t there, what would Sam think? Probably that Cas went somewhere and that he’d back, not that he was in Dean’s bed. He was starting to battle with himself when a gruff reply from Castiel interrupted his thoughts. 

“Yes, of course.” There was an expectant pause, and Dean glanced over to the angel, waiting. “Together or separate?” 

Dean swore under his breath. He couldn’t fault Cas for not wanting to make assumptions, but he was uncomfortable spelling it out in so many words. 

“You. With me. No trench coat or tie.” 

Castiel looked down at himself, visibly confused. “Dean, I don’t have anything else.” 

This was the perfect opportunity to make a dirty comment, one that came easy to Dean. He almost did, but he made the mistake of glancing over to Cas before talking. He looked so confused and lost that Dean could no longer bring himself to razz him. 

“I’ve got some pajamas you can wear.” The hunter was completely positive he could make up a lie to his brother if Sammy saw Cas wearing his pajamas. Sam wouldn’t, so that was that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finale? What finale. 15x19 and 15x20. Never heard of her. This is a bit of a filler chapter. This one shot is really turning into a whole story on me. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy and it takes away some of the pain. We're all clowns together <3

“Morning, Cas.” 

Castiel glanced up from his coffee mug, giving Sam a small smile. “Good morning, Sam.” 

“Are those pajamas?” Sam came closer, squinting a little as he tried to place where he’d seen them. “Are those Dean’s pajamas?!” 

“Oh.” There was an awkward pause then, “Yes, they are.” Castiel didn’t know what a fitting explanation would be and he did not relish lying to Sam, so he sipped his coffee instead of elaborating. 

“Okay. Uhh...” Sam cleared his throat and looked around the kitchen as if he could find something or someone to make this make sense. Of course he couldn’t, so he tried another direct question on Cas. “Why are you wearing Dean’s pajamas?” 

“I honestly have no idea, Sam. They are rather comfortable, though.” Cas picked at the cotton pants, once again marveling at the comfort. 

Sam sighed. Cas was being weird again, but whatever. “When Dean gets up, can you let him know I’m going to the library to hunt down a couple leads on potential cases?” 

“He was up earlier, but he fell back asleep. I’ll deliver your message” A dreamy smile was on the angel’s lips and Sam cocked his head, looking like all the pieces of a puzzle just fell into place. 

“Cas, are you wearing Dean’s pajamas because you stayed the night with him... in his room?” 

He appeared uncomfortable, and it took Cas several moments to answer the hunter. “Yes, Sam.” 

“Wow, what the hell, man? We take you in, we let you into the family, and then you turn my brother into some sort of-” 

“Cas, don’t!” Dean bolted into a sitting position in his bed, his eyes flying open in the dark.

“Don’t what?” Came the gruff response from next to him on the bed. Cas sat up as well and wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist. “I believe you had a nightmare. You’ve been sound asleep for at least two hours.”

“What time is it?” Dean ran his hands through his hair and squinted into the dark. 

Cas briefly considered turning a lamp on, but Dean seemed to sleep better without light. “It’s between four and five in the morning. It’s very early, Dean. We can talk about it when you wake, if you wish.” He eased the hunter back towards the mattress, trying to use Dean’s confusion against him instead of brute strength. Castiel was certain that Dean would not want to discuss anything in the morning, if he managed to remember it, but he wouldn’t object to the discussion if he chose it. 

Dean settled onto his pillow almost immediately, puling the blanket back around him as he mumbled. “Don’t tell Sammy.” 

“I won’t tell your brother anything you don’t want him to know.” Castiel said seriously. Whatever plagued Dean and gave him that nightmare was clearly related to his brother, though he wasn’t sure what the connection was. 

“I need like three more hours.” Dean had rolled onto his stomach in the middle of the bed and was mumbling into Castiel’s pillow, where his head now laid. One arm swung across Castiel’s lap. 

“Of course, Dean. I think you should let yourself sleep as long necessary.” 

A non-committal grunt was the only response Dean offered and his breathing evened out within seconds. Cas was still sitting in the middle of the bed. He stayed there for about twenty minutes, but the position was not one particularly comfortable for him. An attempt to lift Dean’s arm so he could move was met with resistance. Dean not only didn’t want to be moved in unconsciousness, he pulled at an unaware Castiel closer to him. The angel hadn’t expected that, and he fell onto his side, next to Dean. The hunter’s lips curved into a smile, then softened out into the peaceful expression of slumber.

Cas leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to Dean’s forehead. “One day your head will allow you to listen to your heart, Dean. I promise you that I will do everything in my power to be by your side when that happens.” The words were quiet, a husky approximation of a whisper. The sleeping hunter of course made no reply, and Cas closed his eyes. Though he could not sleep, he could relish of the feel of Dean next to him, and enjoy the high while it lasted. 

~*~

Dean woke up with a stretch. He reached out, expecting warm flesh, and found cold sheets. One eye cracked open suspiciously. The bed was rumpled, and the indentation from Cas’ head was still on the pillow, but there was no Cas. 

He sat up and rubbed his hair with one hand, unintentionally making his bed head worse. He opened his mouth to call for Cas, but he didn’t know what time it was, or where Sam was. A quick look around the room showed Dean that Cas definitely wasn’t in the bedroom. He checked the clock on his night stand. It was noon? “Crap.” It wasn’t that Dean had any plans for the day, but he didn’t think he’d sleep that late. His stomach grumbled so Dean decided to drag himself out of bed for coffee and some breakfast. 

He had just flipped the covers off of himself when Cas bustled in with a tray of food. Dean’s eyes lit up. There was bacon and coffee on that tray. He pulled the covers back over himself and scooted so he was sitting against the headboard with a big grin. 

“Good morning to me. Tell me the bacon is extra greasy.”

Castiel’s eyes narrowed as he passed through the door, leaving it open. “Good morning, Dean. I made you breakfast. Your brother went to Eileen’s. He left a note on the kitchen table. He left around eight this morning.” Striding across the room, Cas settled the tray across Dean’s lap, making sure the coffee was directly in front of him. “It’s turkey bacon, eggs, toast, and pancakes.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” Dean was already on his second piece of bacon, and his mouth fell open in shock. Several crumbles fell onto the tray. “Did you say this is turkey bacon?” His eyes narrowed in suspicion an he stared at the bacon in his hand, investigating it for flaws. 

Cas managed not to laugh. In fact, all he did was stand at the bedside, patiently waiting for Dean to complete his inspection. “That is supposed to be much better for you and the package promised it would taste similar.” There was a tinge of censure in his voice, though he tried to keep it from crossing the line to bitterness. “Usually breakfast in bed is better received in the movies.” In the movies, there wouldn’t have been a mess of burnt toast, dirty pans, and batter drying on most of the surfaces in the kitchen, but Cas was hoping he’d have time to clean that up before Dean saw. 

“Like the movies.” Dean repeated dryly. He shook his head but the ghost of a smile was on his lips. “Too many chick flicks, Cas.” The hunter proceeded to pop the turkey bacon into his mouth, his version of an apology. He proceeded to stuff an entire pancake in behind it, then spoke around a full mouth. “Thanf, if goov.” 

Suspecting Dean would be busy feeding himself for sometime, Cas stepped back from the bed. Dean and mornings did not go well together, even if it was past noon. He was surprised when a strong hand wrapped around his forearm. He looked from Dean’s hand to Dean himself, his brow furrowed. Did Dean want him to stay? Castiel did not want to assume. The hunter lifted his other hand, lifting one hand in a clear gesture to wait while he chewed. So Castiel waited, then waited a little longer. It was a very large bite of food. 

“Thank you, Cas. This isn’t half bad. When did you learn to cook?” 

Castiel shifted uncomfortably. This was the part he did not want to tell Dean about. “Approximately twenty minutes before I walked in with the food.” He expected a follow up question, but Dean shrugged and dropped his arm from Castiel. 

“You’re something else, Cas.” The smile that accompanied the words made Cas believe, perhaps fraudulently, that Dean meant that as a compliment. “If Sammy went to Eileen’s, he’ll be gone all day. Sit. Hang out with me.” Castiel immediately sat on the small space of mattress at the edge of the bed next to Dean, and Dean sighed heavily. “Cas, you’re an idiot. Get in this bed with me.” 

He stood, walked around the bed awkwardly, then slid in next to Dean, tucking the covers around him. “Is this better?” He mimicked Dean’s position, sitting up against the headboard, then scooted over from the edge of the double bed to against the hunter’s side. 

Dean chuckled in response, lifting a forkful of eggs to his mouth. “Sure, Cas.” He dug into his meal with gusto, but one foot found Cas’ under the blanket, something Dean had called ‘playing footsie’. Dean had also said that playing footsie was stupid, and only idiots did it. The angel smiled to himself. This was the kind of morning Dean deserved to have every day, relaxing and being doted on, being an idiot, per his own definition. 

It was several minutes later when Dean’s voice interrupted Castiel’s silent musings. “Did you talk to Sam before he left?” 

“No, I waited until after he was gone to go to the store.” Cas replied. “I’m glad you slept in. It took me multiple attempts to make that breakfast. I have quite a mess to clean up.” What the angel thought would be so daunting to admit to wasn’t anymore. Not when Dean had that smile that crinkled his his eyes while melting Castiel’s heart so thoroughly. 

“You wash, I’ll dry. It won’t be so bad.” Dean sipped his coffee, his plate empty by now. One arm slipped around Castiel’s shoulders and it was the easiest thing in the world for the angel to lean into Dean’s side, his head resting on the hunter’s shoulder. A brief kiss was dropped to the top of his head and now it was Castiel’s turn to smile. He tipped his head up at Dean, his wide grin and unrestrained happiness showing. “C’mon, don’t do that. You made breakfast and probably destroyed the kitchen, too. All I did was eat, don’t look at me like I just did something great, Cas.” The words were delivered in a light hearted manner, but Cas could easily see the self-censure there. 

The discomfort in Dean was clear, so Cas leaned up and pressed a kiss to Dean’s cheek. “But you did, simply by being you.” Color flooded Dean’s cheeks. He was... blushing? Castiel committed that to his memory. Dean, in a wrinkled t-shirt, his hair all pressed to one side, with a tray on his lap, and a shy smile. It was absolutely beautiful. “Why don’t you get out of your pajamas while I work on the kitchen?” Cas moved, lifting the tray and placing it where he was just sitting. He took the tray’s place straddling Dean’s lap. Cas was fairly certain that he had won that exchange. He leaned in for a kiss, intending to climb off Dean a moment later and depart. 

Dean was not aware of Castiel’s plan, there was no way he could have been, so his reaction should not have been quite so surprising to the angel. “Oh no you don’t.” The hunter said, pulling Cas back to his lap with one arm snaked around his waist. The other hand cupped the back of the angel’s neck, pulling him in to deepen the kiss. His tongue teased Castiel’s lips, and he opened up immediately, kissing Dean with more fervor than experience. 

The moment was so perfect, and Cas didn’t want it to end. When Dean broke the kiss for air, Cas blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. 

In hindsight, he would realize he really should not have done that, but at the moment it seemed like the perfect thing to say. 

“I want to take you on a date.” 

The happy, relaxed look on Dean disappeared in an instant, and his eyed shuttered. “Cas I don’t think that’s a good idea.” The hurt Castiel felt, the way his heart clenched in pain must have been outwardly project, because Dean swore. “Dammit, Cas. Don’t do that.” 

“Don’t do what?” His eyes widened in confusion, and he sat back against Dean’s thighs, deflated. 

“That. You look like I just kicked your puppy!” 

“I don’t have a puppy, Dean.” 

“Cas that’s not-” Dean sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Dammit.” He paused and Cas didn’t speak, letting Dean gather his thoughts. “What if we sit around here all day, then you can zap us off to dinner wherever you want tonight?” He was trying for a compromise. 

“Hello? I’m back. Forgot my laptop. Dean?? You up yet?” Sam’s voice echoed through the bunker, getting closer to Dean’s room, and the door was wide open. Castiel turned towards the voice, but he never saw the door. What he saw was the floor, as Dean had unceremoniously dumped him on it.

“Crap.” Dean muttered under his breath then louder. “Yeah I’m up Sammy! Still in bed.” He shot Cas a panicked look then flapped his arms in an elaborate shooing motion. 

What did Dean expect, that he’d crawl under the bed so Sam didn’t see him? He got to his feet, glaring at Dean. 

“Why don’t you enjoy the remainder of your day and evening alone, Dean.” Cas sent Dean what was meant to be a reproachful look then was gone a moment later. 

Dean fell back onto his pillows with a groan, rubbing his palms over his face.

“Fuck.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anther day, another chapter. I hope you're enjoying the store as much as I'm enjoying writing it, and trying to do our beloved characters justice.

“Dean?” Sam stopped outside Dean’s door, looking concerned. 

“Yeah, I’m up. Heya Sammy.” He dragged himself to a sitting position and got out of bed. He picked up the tray, acting like nothing was wrong. 

“Breakfast in bed? Really? Isn’t that more work than drinking milk straight out of the gallon?” 

Dean glared at his little brother as he shuffled past him to the kitchen. “Cas-” He abruptly shut up. He almost said too much. There would be questions that Dean couldn’t answer if Sam asked, so he had to avoid them at all costs. “Cas mentioned he was going out when I picked him up. Did you talk to him at all before he took off?” Dean already knew the answer. 

“Nope.” Sam followed Dean to the kitchen, then stopped short. “Wow. You cleaned? Awesome. It looks great, man. Anyway, I’m going to grab my laptop and head back. Call me if you need anything.” 

“Huh? Oh yeah... sure, I cleaned. Have fun, Sammy!” 

Dean dropped the tray on the counter next to the sink, not registering his brother’s exist, or the fact that Cas managed to angel magic up a clean kitchen before he left. He’d call Cas and apologize. Once Sam was gone.

~*~ 

Sam was long gone, Dean had finished his dishes, showered, pretended to make the bed, and then stared at his phone for a full hour. 

He knew that he was wrong, but he couldn’t offer any more than an apology so he was avoiding it. How could he put into words what he struggled to admit to himself? He wanted to, but he simply couldn’t. Cas had to know that. Hell, he’d said it to Cas more than once. Every time Cas got too close Dean pushed him away, into a little corner of stolen moments and quiet nights. He knew it wasn’t fair, but he didn’t have a better answer. Cas always understood, eventually, but he couldn’t blame the angel for leaving in a tiff. Even rightfully pissed at Dean, Cas still covered his ass. That settled it. He pulled out his phone and called Cas. It went to voicemail after two rings. Did the angel grow some balls and decline his call? Dean wasn’t even mad. He was pretty impressed at that. It was no less than he deserved. Did he annoy Cas, or give him space? 

The phone buzzed a few seconds later. Castiel’s name popped up on the screen, with a text notification. Dean opened it immediately. ‘I don’t wish to speak to you currently. I’ll be home tonight.’ 

Dean typed out ‘I’m sorry.’ then deleted it. That was followed with a really message that ended in emojis he’d never admit to using. That draft was also deleted. In the end, all Dean sent was a lame cop out. ‘Sorry Angel.’ 

Cas didn’t reply, so Dean put his phone away, grabbed a beer, and settled in to pass the day with a Western movie marathon. Moping over Cas wouldn’t solve anything. 

About halfway through the second movie, Dean fell asleep. He woke up when Sam threw a handful of popcorn at him. His phone was still in his hand and he tried to discreetly check it. Cas’ name was on the screen. The preview had the whole text. It was those heart emojis again, and nothing else. Dean quickly flipped his phone over so Sam couldn’t see it. 

“Did you do anything today, Dean? Going topside for some Vitamin D is good for you every now and then.”

“Shut up, Sammy. How late is it? I figured you’d be gone until tomorrow.” 

“It’s like six. Want to grab some dinner?” 

“Yeah, sure. Why not?” Dean was hoping Cas would be back, but his text was encouraging. Speaking of, Dean needed to clear that off his phone. “I’m going to grab my jacket. I’ll meet you in the garage.” 

Sam waved him off, stopping to drop his bag off in his bedroom. 

Dean slipped into his room, pulling out his phone to open the text and clear the notification. He wasn’t sure what to reply. The phone was in his hand, his thumb hovering aboard the keyboard. What should he say? 

“Hello, Dean.” 

The phone clattered to the floor and Dean turned in the dark room, grabbing his chest. “Cas! You gotta quit doin’ that!” 

“I apologize for startling you.” 

“Next time you try to kill me from my bed, can we both be naked and sweaty?” Dean’s version of a seductive smile was on his lips. Cas leaned over to click on the switch for the lamp. The hunter was relieved to see Cas had a small, amused smile on his lips. 

“So now you want to be naked with me again?” 

Dean recognized the words for what they were, an awkward very Cas-like attempt at a joke that was doing an awful job of covering up what Dean wouldn’t let him ask. He felt guilty, and since he couldn’t say what Cas deserved to hear, he swaggered over to Cas and stood at the edge of the mattress where the angel sat. Dean gently nudged Cas’ thighs apart until he was standing between them. What was meant to be a cocky smile instead projected as something soft and affectionate. The hunter lifted his hands, to cup Cas’ face. He leaned down, capturing his lips in a kiss that left no question of Dean’s intentions. It started slow; it was a chaste kiss that grew to exploration, his tongue teasing the seam of the angel’s full lips. Dean had just reached what he wanted, his tongue tangling around Castiel’s when he forced himself to retreat. He stayed in the same spot, pressing another brief kiss to the angel’s lips while he waited for his heart to stop pounding and his brain to start thinking again. What was his point again? He’d completely forgotten. 

“I always want to be naked with you, Cas. That’s part of the problem.” A very small part. The concession appeased Cas, who finally opened his blue eyes. The intensity of emotion he could convey with nothing more than a look never failed to shake Dean. “I’m going to grab a bite to eat with Sammy. Want me to show you how sorry I am later? I have a couple of things you haven’t learned yet.” 

“I’d enjoy that very much, Dean.” 

He took a step back, reluctantly dropping his hands from Cas’ face. “We’ll talk later.” He added the words dumbly as he scooped up his phone and grabbed his jacket. He made the mistake of turning back to Cas, and he saw the sad smile on his lips. Cas knew the placating words were a lie as much as Dean did. He’d do anything possible to avoid talking about his feelings, even and possibly especially with Cas. He shrugged into his jacket, and wasn’t sure how to leave things with Cas. A joke? A line that sounded like something out of a chick flick? Maybe a lewd remark was the easiest. Or he could simply run away. 

He was seriously considering that option when Sam walked in. “You about ready? Oh hey, Cas. You’re back. You coming with us?” 

Dean was considering (only half seriously) the ramifications of decking his little brother when Cas spoke up. “I’d love to. Thank you for the invitation, Sam.”

“Yeah, of course. You guys ready? I’m starving. It’s Dean’s turn to shop which means there won’t be anything to eat here until he runs out of beer.” 

“Perhaps I could go? I wouldn’t mind chipping in on occasion. I do live here.” Cas said, standing and walking out the door with Sam. 

He was so distracted by standing there dumbfounded, that Dean realized Sam and Cas’ voices were fading down the hall and he had to rush to keep up. Couldn’t Cas see that this was a bad idea? Like a really bad idea? There was a reason Dean wanted to talk to him later, after he avoided Cas for another hour or three. The guy didn’t even eat. Catching up to his brother and his... his Cas, Dean found Sam and Cas laughing about something, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“...and he went to school like that?” Cas asked 

“Yeah. Bobby loved telling that story. It was the one and only time he supervised our formal education.”

Dean rolled his eyes. Sharing embarrassing childhood stories was too much. He was not sure that he didn’t want to know. 

Sam walked ahead of Cas through the garage door, and Cas turned back to give Dean the kind of smile that made him want to say stuff he shouldn’t then pin the angel against the wall. He found himself smiling back for a second, then cleared his throat. “Please behave.” Dean muttered under his breath, then brushed past Cas to walk around to the Impala.

He didn’t see the way Castiel’s eyes narrowed at his back, and he also missed the determined set of his jaw. Dean did not realize that he had managed to piss off his angel for the third time that day. 

~*~ 

Something was going on. Sam didn’t know what happened, but Cas was pissed. Neither of them said a word on the way over; Dean didn’t even turn the radio on once.

The elder Winchester ordered a soup, an appetizer, a meal, and a dessert. The result was that all he’d done for the last thirty minutes was eat, and their meals hadn’t even shown up yet. As soon as one thing was done, another showed up and Dean tucked back in, like he hadn’t eaten in days and there wasn’t anything that could possibly be more interesting than his food. “So, Cas. You were gone all day again. Everything okay?” Sam said conversationally. He was gently prying for information, and he knew asking Dean was a dead end. 

Dean choked on a mozzarella stick, but he recovered quickly. Cas seemed not to notice the elder Winchester’s conundrum and answered Sam immediately. “Yes. I didn’t want to intrude on anyone’s plans.” 

Sam frowned. “Cas, you don’t intrude. The bunker is your home as much as it’s ours.” Did Cas really think he was still an outsider, and not part of the family? Did his brother pick a fight with Cas again? He didn’t want to ask, especially not when Cas and Dean were sitting next to each other in the booth. They were across from Sam and smashed together, but each was going out of their way to ignore the other. Something was definitely going on. 

“I would hate to appear at an inconvenient moment.” Castiel’s usual way of speaking so straight forward made it hard for Sam to pick up if it was sarcastic. Cas turned, glared pointedly at Dean, then turned back to Sam. Well, that part was certainly obvious, Sam thought to himself. 

Dean stopped putting food in his mouth for a few seconds, and replied to Cas, though he was looking at Sam the entire time. “By all means, Cas. Fly your feathery ass in whenever you’d like.” The words were about as nice as anything Dean tended to say, but there was an edge in his voice that Sam picked up on. 

“Dean, are you still mad at Cas about yesterday? Honestly, I didn’t mind coming home. Cas is fine, we’re all fine, and we’re all here. It’s nice to have a false alarm for once.”

Before Dean could answer, the waitress arrived with their food. A chicken salad was placed in front of Sam, a burger for Dean of course, and Cas had ordered a plate of chili cheese fries as a meal. He didn’t touch them, even as the Winchester brothers both dug into their meals. Sam saw Dean try to subtly steal a fry, which meant what he was doing was obvious to all three of them. Cas pretending not to notice. 

No one spoke for several minutes as the boys ate. Eventually, Dean mumbled out “I’m not mad anymore, Sammy.” Sam paused his eating and gave Dean a confused look, but both Cas and Dean were staring at their plates. 

“Yes, because we all know how to cater to Dean to assuage his anger.” Cas said bitterly. 

“Oh c’mon, Cas. Seriously?” 

“Excuse me, Dean. Am I allowed an opinion in this? Whether I voice one or not, you do whatever you want.” 

“That is a friggin’ load of crap, and you know it!” 

Sam’s head was going back and forth from Cas to Dean as they volleyed words. He still didn’t know what they were arguing about, but they were definitely fighting. One Dean started yelling, Sam decided to intervene. “Alright you two, that’s enough! In case you forgot, we’re out to dinner In public.” A couple of heads had turne their way, and Sam lowered his voice. “I want to have a nice dinner, and we’re going to whether you two want to or not.” Sam swapped his plate with Dean’s, swapped their drinks, then stood. Sam used his height to his advantage while he towered over where Dean sat. Dean was busy glaring at Cas. “Get up.” 

Dean turned his attention to Sam, and his glare melted into shocked disbelief. “You want me to get up and go sit over there?” 

“Yeah, Dean I do. If you two are going to act like little kids, then I’m going to treat you like it.” 

“Why doesn’t he have to move?” Dean inclined his head towards Cas while his arms folded across his chest petulantly. Sam had to bite back a smile at how ridiculous this entire situation was. 

“Because I’m sitting against the wall. If I were to move, you would still have to move to let me out. I’m not using my abilities to switch table sides in a crowded diner.” Castiel’s eyes were narrowed at Dean while he spoke. 

“Dean, c’mon.” Sam dragged his brother up by his arm before he started arguing with Cas again. 

“Alright, alright. I’m moving!” Dean shrugged Sam’s arm off as he stood, and adjusted his jacket, as if that earned him some dude points that he’d lost from Cas’ small speech. 

Sam sat down next to Cas, and made a show of taking a bite of dinner. He chewed and swallowed before he spoke again. Dean and Cas were glaring at each other, but at least they weren’t speaking. The silence was definitely better than the screaming. 

“Can you guys work your crap out later? This salad is delicious.” A smug smile spread over Sam’s lips as he realized the perfect solution. “Or, we can sit here and hash this out. You can both tell me exactly what the problem is and we’ll all find a solution together.” 

Dean skipped paling to white at that and went straight to gray. He was horrified and offended, his mouth hanging open with a forkful of food halfway to his mouth. 

“I am not opposed to working my crap out, as you put it, at another time” Cas said soberly. 

“Yeah, we’re good. No crap to figure out.” Sam was watching Cas while his brother said that line, so he saw the hurt that flashed across Cas’ face. He wasn’t surprised. Dean avoiding his problems wasn’t anything new to him. Dean must have seen the look too, and it surprised Sam when he spoke again, in a quieter tone. “We’ll deal with it later.”

Cas didn’t reply, and Sam didn’t know what to say, so he cleared his throat loudly. Dean went back to eating, and Cas turned to look out the window. Sam saw the reflection, and Cas looked sad. It didn’t sit right with Sam. He didn’t doubt his big brother was at fault, and that it was probably a misunderstanding that got blown out of proportion. He didn’t pry any more than he already had. All Sam did with that was made it worse. He turned to Dean, who refused to meet his gaze. Sam stomped on his brother’s foot under the table. Dean’s head snapped up, and he glowered at Sam. The younger Winchester inclined his head towards Cas and widened his eyes. This was a conversation he’d had with his big brother so many times that they didn’t need words. ‘Dude. You’re being a dick. Fix it.’ Dean shrugged and rolled his eyes, but he did glance over to Cas and frown. His gaze moved back to Sam and he shrugged again. That meant ‘What the hell do you want me to do?’ followed by ‘no seriously, I have no friggin’ idea what to do.’ Sam put his fork down and held both his hands out towards Dean, palms up. ‘Apologize for whatever you did and stop being a dick, what is wrong with you?’ 

Castiel turned back towards them. Both the Winchesters picked up their forks at the same time and went back to eating in such perfect synchronization that Castiel’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. Neither Sam nor Dean reacted to Cas. 

Sam’s phone rang a couple minutes later and whatever weird crap was going on temporarily dissipated. He pulled it out of his pocket, checked the name, and hit answer. “Hey Jody!” A pause. “Yeah, I’m with Dean and Cas right now. What’s up? Uh-huh. Yeah, that’s closer to us than you. Hold on a second.” He reached across Cas to grab a napkin from the dispenser. “I need a pen. Do either of you have a pen?” Dean and Cas started checking pockets fruitlessly, but a waitress was walking by the table. “Hi, excuse me, I’m so sorry, but do you have a pen I could borrow?” Sam tacked on a pitiful but adorable smile and she handed one over right away. “Thanks. Okay Jody, go ahead.” He scribbled as she spoke, mouthing to Dean that they had a case. “Yep, got it. Thanks Jody. We’re on our way.” 

“Where are we going?” Dean asked, taking the napkin from Sam. “Possible Wraith. Jackson, Tennessee. No big deal.” 

“We are not going anywhere.” Sam was emphasized the ‘we’ without looking up from his phone. He was tapping out a text message on his while he spoke. “Eileen is picking me up. I’ll take care of dinner. Any research you need, I can do from home. I’m not spending eight hours in the car with either of you. Figure out your crap, save some people, kill something. I’ll send the article from Jody when I get it, and anything else useful that I can dig up when I get back to the bunker.” 

“S-so, you’re staying here and Me and Cas are going?” Dean looked as odd as he sounded, asking for clarification on the very obvious. 

“Yes, I’m going with you. Sam wants to spend time with his girlfriend, get rid of us, and avoid us fighting all at the same time.” 

Sam was impressed, Cas was usually pretty off the mark, but he got it on the money this time. 

“If you leave now, you might get there around two am. You could still get a few hours of sleep.” 

“Good point. We’re losing daylight fast. Let’s go, Cas.” Sam stood to let Cas out of the booth, and they left without another word. Sam watched them walk out to the car without saying one more word to each other, but the second the Impalas door were shut, Sam could see his brother and Cas talking and gesturing, probably yelling at each other. He flagged down the waitress to get the check and return her pen. Sam had no regrets about his choice. He wanted to be as far away from that mess as possible. He’d better leave a big tip, too.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving to those that celebrate, happy Thursday to everyone else! Another chapter for you. Sorry it took a few days, but the good news is the next chapter is well underway! I hope you enjoy, it's been a tough week.

“I asked you to behave, Cas. I said please, and I don’t do that very freaking often!” Dean knew he sounded like a complete douche, but it didn’t stop him. 

“Oh, so we’re back to doing everything your way, and me not getting an opinion again.” 

“Cas, I never said you didn’t get an opinion.” 

“I know, you never gave me a chance. You’d push me away, and I had to disappear so you’d feel comfortable. When did I have time to offer an opinion?” 

“Dammit, Cas!” Dean really didn’t know how to follow that up, so he didn’t. 

After a long silence, Castiel spoke. “It’s exhausting, Dean.” 

Hoping the yelling was done for now, Dean pulled the Impala onto the road. Sammy was probably enjoying the show, and this wasn’t a discussion anyone but him and Cas needed to be involved in. “I’m exhausting?” 

“No, not you, Dean. Fighting against you for what we both want. That’s what’s exhausting.” 

Dean sighed, making a left to heed out of town, towards the highway. “Yeah, Cas I know. I don’t make it easy.” Being in his own head was exhausting, too. He hated that Cas was yet again being dragged down by him. 

Cas waited for more, but Dean didn’t explain any farther. Castiel was neither surprised nor disappointed by it. “Did you bring a bag, Dean? Your suit? A change of clothes, toiletries, pajamas?” 

“Yeah, I just washed everything and- Son of a bitch. It’s sitting in my closet.” He started to slow the Impala, looking for a spot wide enough to turn her around. 

“I’ll get it.” Cas said, and was gone. 

“Okay then. Cool. Wings saved the day. Good job, Cas.” 

“Good job what?” Castiel had reappeared in the passenger seat as swiftly as he’d left, only now he was holding Dean’s duffle bag and another, smaller bag. 

“Good job saving me more time driving. Thanks.” Dean took his bag from Cas and reached over the back of the bench, carefully setting it on the floor behind the angel’s seat. “What’s that one?” 

“Books. A couple that had an information about wraiths, and a couple of novels.” Dean glanced over to Cas, and he looked... sheepish? “I thought I could read in bed while you sleep. As much as I enjoy being in your arms all night, I don’t think you want me to watch you sleep every night that we spend together. That’s strange, even for me.”

Cas wasn’t wrong. That wasn’t a bad solution, actually. Even if Dean wasn’t aware it was something the happened. “Let me grab those.” He lifted the much heavier bag over the bench, and put it on the floor next to his own bag. After a brief glance at Cas, Dean focused his gaze on the road and cleared his throat. He made sure to not look at Cas at all, because that would make this little speech impossible to get through. The hunter hadn’t said anything yet, and his heart rate had already picked up. He could feel the steering wheel slicken beneath his palms, and Dean took a deep breath to try to calm himself. It didn’t work. He hated this. “I know I’ve been a pain in the ass, Cas.” Literally. Dean smirked to himself at that thought and continued. “I know how hard it is to put up with me. I don’t know that I’m going to get easier to deal with. Thank you for not giving up on me. I’m trying, Cas. I want to get there, but I’m not.” 

“I know.” Cas reached a hand over and carded his fingers through Dean’s short locks. “What I need is for you to trust me, Dean.” 

“I do tru-” 

Castiel pressed a finger to Dean’s lips to hush the protest. “You’d trust me to save your life and you’d trust me to make sure your brother is safe. You don’t trust anyone with your heart, Dean, not me or even yourself. 

“Cas, I don’t want to fight with you again. Still. More. Whatever.” 

Castiel slid across the bench so he was sitting next to Dean. He rested his head on the hunter’s shoulder, an arm wrapping around his waist as he curled himself to fit against Dean’s side “We’re not fighting tonight. I wanted my opinion, and that is my opinion. Ignore it for now. Allow it to take root and ruminate on it when we’re not together. I know you will.” 

Dean relaxed under the angel’s touch. He couldn’t be mad, even if he wanted to be. Right now, he didn’t. They’d gotten into too many arguments in the last few days. He was tired of fighting, especially with Cas. “It’s really annoying when you’re right and I want to be self-righteous.” The corner of Dean’s mouth twisted into a half smile and he turned his head enough to press a quick kiss to Cas’ head.

“If you wanted to argue with me about the nuances of humanity in general, I guarantee that you’ll be victorious. Unfortunately for you, the only human I’ve spent the last few years paying entirely too much attention to is Dean Winchester.” 

Dean draped one arm across the bench of the Impala, and his fingers toyed with the fabric of the angel’s trench coat. “The weirdest part of what you said is that I’m not weirded out by any of it. You’re an idiot for picking me, Cas.” His lips widened into an affectionate smile, his eyes straying from the road for a brief glance down at the angel. “You’re my idiot, though.” It wasn’t a declaration. It wasn’t what Cas deserved to hear. It was half a compliment wrapped in an insult, and Dean knew it wasn’t nearly enough, but that was all he could make himself offer. 

“Dean?” Castiel’s voice was in that monotone Dean was eighty percent sure he used just to annoy him. It didn’t reveal anything. With Cas it could be anything from a chick flick speech to a random fact about a battle during the crusades, and any inappropriate question that popped into his head in between. 

His own tone was wary when he replied. “Yeah?” 

“You do realize that you’re also an idiot, correct?” 

Dean snorted a laugh. Cas didn’t know the half of it. Actually, he probably did. “Yeah, I know I’m an idiot.” 

“I’m glad you’re my idiot.” 

From another person, the words would be cute or possibly even coy. From Cas, they sounded so serious that Dean had to smile again. Birds started chirping, which effectively ruined the moment and made Dean wonder what the hell kind of alternate reality he was in. 

“Uh, Cas? What the hell is that?” 

“My phone.” Cas was digging through his pockets, eventually producing his phone. “It’s Sam.” Answering the phone, Cas scooted away a couple of inches. “Hello, Sam.” 

He was still in the middle of the bench, but Cas was far enough away that Dean felt the loss of his warmth against him. “Dammit Sammy.” Of course Sam was calling now, when everything was perfect and well out of town. He was definitely going to ruin this. 

“Pardon? No, that was Dean. Yes, your brother was cursing at you. No, I don’t know why. Would you like me to ask him, Sam?” 

Rolling his eyes, Dean held his hand out for the phone. Cas shook his head and Dean repeated the gesture more insistently. Castiel relented, passing the phone over with his own, far less dramatic eye roll. “Heya Sammy. Nope. Yep, I did. Because you stuck me with feathers for eight hours and he wants to listen to Lady Gaga, that’s why.” Dean knew the offended look Cas had without turning to look at it. He shook his head at Cas with a helpless shrug. Cas was not amused. Dean tried again while his brother still rambled. This time he gave his most winning smile to Cas and a wink. The angel looked exasperated more than anything else, and he was trying to subtly adjust his dress pants. Point to Dean. “It’s not? Huh. Okay. Well we’re already almost halfway there. We’ll talk to the neighbors in the morning and try to find the bitch before she strikes again. Uh-huh. Yep, you too. Later.” 

Ending the call, Dean handed the phone back to Cas with a tight smile. He knew exactly what was coming “What was the point in lying to your brother?” 

“What was I supposed to tell him? Sorry Sammy, you overheard me swearing at you because you calling made Cas move across the car and I wanted to cuddle? Outside of the fallout of that, do you know how that sounds? Do you? I’m a dude that doesn’t use the word cuddle! Especially to his brother.” Dean probably could have been more eloquent and less loud, but it was Cas. Lately all roads with Castiel ended up with the hunter frustrated, usually with himself. 

Cas took in the outburst and processed it. He didn’t answer right away. To Dean, it looked like Cas was trying to choose the right words. It gave him an uneasy feeling, and his heart was off and galloping again. Dean sat glowering t the road, waiting for another fight about the closet Dean was never coming out of. He wasn’t... It wasn’t... It was Cas. It wasn’t a guy, it was Cas. It was his stupid, angelic best friend who didn’t know what personal space was, who made everything into a weird statement, and who looked at him with a gaze that cut straight through to his soul. It terrified him, and he constantly craved more of it. It wasn’t guys. It was one guy. Not a guy, an idiot angel that he couldn’t get enough of. He realized then that Cas was spot on with what he said before Sam called. Dean was also an idiot, and he was definitely Cas’ idiot. 

“Why wouldn’t you tell him that I wanted to listen to Taylor Swift? You usually put her on when I ask.” 

“That’s what the problem was?” The words were almost a squeak and he proceeded to choke on air for a moment while his body tried to remember how to breathe. “You let me go on and on like a moron, and your problem isn’t that I lied to Sam, your problem is with the pop star I picked?” 

“I don’t care for much of Lady Gaga’s material.” Cas stated seriously, his gravel tone making the words sound as if they were a serious revelation, not as ridiculous as they actually were. 

“You’ve been playing ‘Million Reasons’ on repeat for like a week, Cas.” 

The angel’s eyes widened in surprise. Where Dean would have immediately denied an accusation like that especially because it was true, Cas simply said “How did you know?” 

“For starters, you use my spotify account. Well, it’s Sam’s account that I use, but still. You never made your own... thing. Your music is all mixed up with mine. You listen to a lot of weird music, dude.” There was no malice in the words. “C’mere.” Dean’s arm moved from the wheel to stretch out across the bench of the Impala, and Cas nestled right back into his side. The hunter released a breath that he hadn’t realized he was holding, relaxing with Cas tucked against him, where he belonged. Refusing to analyze that particularly intrusive thought, Dean kept talking. “Also, I woke up to that song like twice last night.” 

“You didn’t wake up last night.” Cas said, the confusion evident in his voice. 

“You had headphones in. In the dead silence I heard the song, said ‘huh. Cas is weird’ to myself and went back to sleep.” 

“I didn’t realize I woke you.” Cas stated solemnly. “I’m so sorry.” His hand was resting on Dean’s chest above his t-shirt; he slid it under the flannel, his arm curling around the hunter’s side. Dean wasn’t a hundred percent sure what was happening until he felt the other hand slip under his jacket and flannel behind his back. Both of the angel’s hands linked together just under Dean’s ribs and he squeezed. Huh. Cas was hugging him in the car. It was a damn good hug too, not that Dean was planning on speaking that out loud. The hunter’s free arm moved from the back of the seat to around Cas, pulling him closer and squeezing him in return.

“So.” Dean started about twenty minutes later, just realizing how dark it had grown while he was zoned out driving, in his own little world. “What’s with the song?” Usually Cas liked rambling on about subjects Dean had no interest in, so maybe he’d have something good to say about this one. It would make the drive go faster, if nothing else. 

“I, um...” Cas froze against Dean, and the hunter’s curiosity was piqued. He didn’t say anything, biding his time until Cas was ready to speak. “Next time we get in a fight, listen to the lyrics, Dean.” 

Dean was surprised to find that Cas didn’t elaborate. “Okay then.” Dean wasn’t sure how else to respond to that. He was a little curious, but not enough to pry. If he asked, Cas would answer. Sometimes that was worse than not knowing. Unsure what else to say, Dean added a threat. A necessary one. “Also, if you ever, and I mean EVER tell my brother that I let you listen to Taylor Swift, I will kick your feathery ass into next week. I mean it, Cas.” 

He could feel Cas smile against his shoulder and his tough-guy facade fell away. “I know you mean it, Dean.” 

“Then what are you smiling about?” He probably shouldn’t have asked. 

“I still know you let me listen to Taylor Swift, and so do you.” 

Dean definitely should not have asked. “Shut up.” He wanted to be annoyed with Cas, but instead he was grinning from ear to ear like a fool. 

“What did Sam want? He said there was a change, and then you interrupted. Quite rudely, I’d like to add.” 

The hunter’s eyes strayed down to Cas. The angel had the same dopey smile Dean had, so he knew Cas was teasing. Huh. Castiel, angel of the lord, teasing. That was... different. He didn’t give himself the chance to decide if it was good different or bad different. Dean cleared his throat, physically and mentally shaking the urge to say something incredibly sappy that he’d regret later. “Sam thinks it’s a siren, not a wraith. We’ll poke around tomorrow morning and see what we can find.” 

“Sirens are worse.” Castiel stated the very obvious, then lifted his head to frown at the backseat of the Impala. “So much for my research. Perhaps one of the books has a mention of sirens.” 

Dean was feeling uneasy. He hoped Sammy was wrong. Sirens were bitches to deal with. “I’m going to stop for gas. You can dig your books out and see if there’s anything useful.” Cas was an angel, but he wasn’t infallible, and the more information Castiel had on what they were hunting, the better he’d feel. They still had a long drive ahead. 

~*~ 

They shuffled into the hotel room around 2 a.m. Castiel was carrying both bags, upon his insistence. Dean was dead on his feet despite sleeping in today, or yesterday technically, so he had not put up much of an argument. Cas had spent the last two hours of their trip arguing with Dean about taking over driving. He didn’t need to sleep, and he was (in his own opinion, at least) an excellent driver. Dean wasn’t having it, but at least the bickering had kept him awake. Castiel had been tempted to simply knock the hunter unconscious after he swerved once, but he didn’t want the fallout of a deservedly angry Dean later. 

As he set the bags down on the small table, Castiel doubted he and Dean would ‘work their crap out’ as Sam requested, but he was looking forward to time away from the bunker, specifically from everyone and anyone Dean knew. 

Dean was swaying on the edge of the bed as he took off his boots. Cas unpacked the hunter’s bag, keeping a wary eye on his back. He ducked into the small bathroom to set down Dean’s toiletries bag and came back to find that Dean had unlaced his boots but had not taken them off. He pulled his jeans down as well, but they were stuck on the boots. The hunter was in his boxers on the bed, looking at Cas through bleary eyes. 

“Little help?” 

Cas couldn’t help from snorting an amused laugh. “Of course, Dean.” He ought to take the opportunity to make fun of Dean. If the positions were reversed, he was certain the hunter would take advantage.Cas didn’t have it in him, though. He was so adorably disheveled, and it made Cas feel needed. 

He crouched next to Dean, first carefully removing one boot, then the other. The jeans were next and he folded them as he rose. Grabbing one set of pajamas from the folded pile of clothes on the table, he brought Dean’s flannel pants, holding them up with a small smile.

“Usually you don’t ask for assistance with putting your pants back on, but I’d be happy to help.” 

“I got it. I’m too tired to call you an idiot. I’m so tired I just realized I didn’t ask you to do anything while your face was in my crotch.” Dean sighed wistfully. “Damn, a missed opportunity.” 

“Considering that’s not something we’ve ever done, I would be impressed.” He paused, considering. “And probably put off as well. It’s best you didn’t.” Cas handed Dean the pants and shrugged out of his trench coat. He supposed if he was going to spend the entire night in bed with Dean, he ought to hang up his suit. Last night he’d had Dean pajamas. Usually he had nothing on. “Should I-?” The question died on Castiel’s lips. Dean pulled his pants on both legs to his thighs then in an impressive maneuver, he lifted his hips to tug the pants up, pushed his legs off the floor, and spun. The end result was that Dean was lying perfectly in bed, on the sheets, ready to pull the blanket over him. 

“Sure, Cas. Whatever you want, babe.” His eyes were already closed, and Dean made no effort to cover himself. 

“I never asked you the question.” The only response Dean offered was a soft snore. Cas smiled fondly and paused his wardrobe change to go back to the bed. He pulled the blanket around Dean, and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Sweet dreams, Dean.” 

He finished changing into a set of Dean’s pajamas and turned off all the lights except the lamp on his bedside. Dean didn’t stir when the weight of the mattress shifted under Castiel’s weight, nor when he picked up the large book from the Men of Letters library to search for any mention of Sirens.

Three hours later, the hunter stirred. Specifically, he rolled over across the bed, pressing himself against Cas’ body. Dean’s head rested against Castiel’s thigh, and his arm was snaking around the angel’s calf to snuggle it. With a fond smile, Cas allowed a hand to fall onto Dean’s head and he absently stroked his hair while he read. He hadn’t find anything useful yet, but the general monster knowledge could be useful sometime down the road. He checked the clock, it wasn’t even 6 a.m. He’d let Dean sleep a while longer.


End file.
